


did he ever learn?

by amandaskankovich



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2015-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-14 21:29:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3426224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amandaskankovich/pseuds/amandaskankovich
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ian makes Yevgeny a late night bottle and thinks about his father(s).</p>
            </blockquote>





	did he ever learn?

**Author's Note:**

> Events of 3x06 implied

Fathers are ultimately meaningless.

 

Staying only long enough to shoot a load and walk away and then wanting credit for the wieght of raising you on your sister’s back. Or this strange idea that his hair and his brother’s wife’s eyes looking back at him make that one time 17 years ago mean anything other than she was high.  
You were there.

 

And you thought fucking her somehow got back at your brother for all the years he hated you because his/your mother could muster up some love for you without enough to pass on to him when it wasn’t fair he’d gotten there first.  
But that was Frank all over.  
Love me because I’m me. Why should I have to earn it.  
Bottomless pit of need.

Not much to love, right?

 

And Clayton. You don’t know shit enough about Clayton to have an actual opinion on him. You don’t know a damn thing other than when he first saw you you knew he knew you.  
You knew that’s why he avoided you your entire life.  
Because he knew he’d take one look at you and he’d know you.  
You wanted to say to him:  
The fact that sperm met egg and made a son you didn’t raise that didn’t somehow make what had happened between Clayton and Monica anything more than animal and ugly. It’s not somehow okay because nine months later a person came out.  
Mickey would disagree with that. You think.

 

And does Mickey’s existence justify his father’s?  
These are questions too large for you.  
You’ve never said this out loud and Mickey’s asleep.  
They all are.  
It’s 3am and everyone’s dead asleep but you.  
You are restless and you are the only one who hears the soft mewling get louder and louder.  
You can pick up the baby.  
You can hold the baby.  
It’s now at a point Svetlana can walk eyes barely opened into the kitchen to make a bottle, see you there with the baby and it’s already done. She can shrug and walk away.  
"Change him if he’s wet." She’ll mumble behind her.  
He had been.  
You’d taken care of it.  
You are alone with the baby in the hum of 3:30 darkness.   
Mickey still can’t hold his son not really.  
"You coming back to bed?"  
Mickey.   
You don’t know how long he’s been there.

Yevgeny’s finished off his bottle, burped, drifted off.  
"Yeah," you say.  
You put the baby back into his bed and crawl back in with his father.  
You turn wrap your arms around his father’s waist, pull him close.  
Mickey still can’t hold his son not really.  
But you can’t seem to stop.  
You can’t take your eyes off of him whenever you’re both in the same room.  
You want him fed. You want him comfortable. You want him safe.  
You always have.  
Because you look at him.  
And you know him.

It can’t be helped.

That’s what your father had been afraid of, right? Afraid to hold you because god forbid what that might threaten.

Well fuck fucking fathers, right?

You are with Mickey in the 4 am darkness.  
All these sons in this house born from terrible men who did nothing to deserve them.  
But Mickey is not terrible.

And Yevgeny…his existence does not justify how he came to be. That it carries scars so deep.  
But he just is.  
And someone will love him regardless.

Maybe you can ask that person what that’s worth.

Someday someone will hold him close not caring how they got there.  
Just knowing he is everything they always needed.

And that person will not in the next breath say, “So tell me about your father.”

"Did he ever learn to hold you?"

Because it won’t matter. That person will be there to hold him instead.

Mickey’s fingers wrap gently around your wrist.


End file.
